Who I Am Hates Who I've Been
Relient K

I watched the proverbial sunrise
Coming up over the Pacific and
You might think I'm losing my mind,
But I will shy away from the specifics...

'cause I don't want you to know where I am
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

I talk to absolutely no one.
Couldn't keep to myself enough.
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up.

I heard the reverberating footsteps
Synching up to the beating of my heart,
And I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.

And I can't let that happen again
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Who I am hates who I've been
And who I am will take the second chance you gave me.
Who I am hates who I've been
'cause who I've been only ever made me...

So sorry for the person I became.
So sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

One of my campers has been on my heart very much recently. She was in my cabin my first year as a counselor and I haven't seen her at all since then. But I was reminded of a conversation we had about salvation and am earnestly hoping and praying that she decided to accept Christ. She was a sweet girl who seemed to love God and the Bible, yet she said she wasn't ready to accept Christ yet. She said she knew it was a large responsibility and didn't want to misrepresent Jesus. (This is coming from a 12 yr old.) I was impressed with how much thought she had put into it, but my heart broke for her. Here was someone who knew the truth and wanted to accept it, but she was waiting. I've been thinking about her and other campers I've had and wondering how they are doing now. Kids change a lot in 3yrs and some of my junior campers are teenagers...and some will be staffers this year. It's amazing how close your campers stay to your heart.

While we're on the topic of camp, one of my co-workers was telling me about his summer camp experience 40-some years ago. He remembered the impact his counselor had and how much the counselor was looking out for him. It made me smile because you never know what a people will remember about you or how the smallest things can make someone's day or impact them for the rest of their lives.

So xanga sent me an email saying they were concerned because I hadn't updated in such a long time...I didn't know they cared. Anyways, it has been a very long time since I've given you guys an update-August 14th to be exact. I really doubt that anyone actually checks my blog anymore, but I'm thinking about starting back up with more regular updates. We'll see how that goes.